This wild fire-hose spray of awareness, you can't hold onto it as much as you try and and as often as not it snakes around and blasts you in the face. But what you understand are torrents of thinking and feeling locked into their strange marriage, and you forget about will, the most lively of them all. Because as much as you are sheer willfulness, amoral and irresponsible you are also the receiving of the full force of will, as if from an other, turned on you and subjecting you to every sort of constraint. You discern a looming and inescapable figure outlined in the spray, mighty in his bounds, but it is only your own shadow, dark and rainbow-fringed.