There is awareness and there is awareness of awareness and they are two quite different things, the former being a simple and direct participation and the latter being also aware of the difference between itself and awareness. In your attempts to reconcile them you can view awareness as a misrecognised form of awareness of awareness, a necessay ideal, or awareness of awareness as a misrecognised form of awareness, a sort of spurious second skin, or both as misrecognised forms of something else again which is neither and so not properly to be named as awareness in any sense. You are always moving between these three.