Everyday experience is endless ways of evading or deferring confrontation with your nullity and futility, if only because of how much of it consists of a mad drive to matter in some way. Fortunately these defenses don't always work, and for each in their own way, so that you will be singled out and every strategy for retaining a point of pride however buried under layers of misdirection is exposed for what it is. In all of this only one opening remains to which you can turn once the litter that obscures the way to it has been swept aside. A sort of bulimia of the spirit.