Of course there are times when this all seems quite meaningless and futile, an elaborate charade of searching for the sake of the image of the seeker and the surreptitious finger on the scale pan. Ebbing with the gutter of life. And no point then in lamenting the fact as if it were not what you meant right from the start. There is no way of escaping your first intentions and whatever judgment they ultimately call down upon themselves - you are that object lesson and avowedly content to be so. Meaningless or not the truth will out one way or another, and it will be clear to others long before it dawns on you. And then what? Da capo? But perhaps to signal the quandry this puts you in a little more frequently, a little more bitingly. It is in the end a process of subtraction, of cutting yourself loose. The only meanings you recognise are those you have freely chosen, but the only meaning that could stand are those which impose themselves willy nilly, and they are no meanings at all.