Where you are most at home within yourself you are not alone. Who is there with you? A mysterious faceless presence for whom you are transparent and who understands you and with whom you belong, but who is not of this world, and who can be lost and found. You might think of it as yourself but it is other, and is such that you seek communion with. When you commune with yourself in fulfillment then you are with this other who brings it about that you can be yourself. It is not entirely a mistake to seek for it in the world, even if it is a mistake to find it there. The mind might reason its way to an ontological priority of the subject, but it does so blind to this relational priority that is deeper than reason, than mind. You can't grasp it and so you take up attitudes towards it, childishly as if it were your mother, or were contained in a family romance, or as if it were nature, interposing narratives in which it is lost. You can't reduce it to something known, can't set it up, but can only keep your heart soft towards it and towards every unexpected way in which it shows itself. Only express gratitude and love.