On the side of appearance, or of mind, everything is relational, is social, has its being through its mediation and being mediated by its other, while the subject, the experiencer is solitary. This means that every experience that brings the nature of the subject closer to awareness must first pass through the fear of solitude. Pure solitude is another name for death or for the terror of death - to be utterly alone and without support, deserted even by your faith in the ultimate benevolence of reality, in your inherence in a natural order. Can anyone be an adult who has not passed through this, at least to some degree, whatever it might be that is discovered on the other side of it? The loss of illusions is always the loss of mediations. This goes against human reality, yet human reality never adds up, it works against itself to give birth to you, over and again.