You've come such a long way and yet you haven't got anywhere. What could be more ordinary than this vague sense of disappointment? But it's nothing solid or to be proud of, as if you have finally seen through yourself. When you think about it, when you are in your chair, you're always way off to the side of what you actually know but can't quite bring yourself to admit. It's the turning away from what's too hard, too unformed, too commonplace that constitutes the pose you re-assume, the one in which you sincerely question what is afoot, the one you believe in for as long as it takes. It's a shabby affair, and it counts for nothing to call it out in this way. The new dodge, it's always new, is exactly the same as the old dodge. That's just how it works, is the dodge, is working now. You either see nothing or you see right through yourself and out the other side and in neither case are you there.