Willing, thinking, valuing - in some well-buttressed fashion every self-conceit consists in believing yourself to be free, smart (in your own unique way) and good (likewise in your own way). The counter-case is not the contrary of these but the realisation that your respective conceits are pure illusion, which discovery is effected by being exposed in the act of fabricating them. Here is your pathetic illusion of being able to act freely, or of having a few clues, or of being good, that is, worthy. So it is a particular light which illuminates the hasty fabrications behind the scenes that is the threat, and this comes down to the other-subject in so far as they deliberately or inadvertently cause this light to shine in your own self-understanding. How can this possibly come about? In encountering the other you come up into the field of their own self-conceit which in so far as it is exposed is instantly 'read' by yours and one of them must outdo the other. At this level comprehension of the stakes is instantaneous. Friendship is then a tacit contract to mutually preserve each others deep illusions. It is a miserable sort of commerce, but it is what we do. Shouldn't you instead welcome the exposure of such illusions? If the ground under your feet can be cut away then surely the sooner the better? But of course even this becomes grounds for a new set of illusions. It is still other-directed, it is the 'martingale' the strategy of winning by welcoming defeat. The cunning of the self is inexhaustible - while you persist in this world of self and other.