Repeat any act and it falls away, decays into lifeless habit, a corpse for distractions to feed on. You can piously ask if repetition is possible, and doubtless it never is, but it is enough to think you are repeating something, enough to think you know the way. Repetition, to conjure the primary event back into life, because there's always a first time, but when it occurs you are as little able to know its firstness as you will be to recognise the finality of the last time you enact it, whenever that time comes. If you know that it is the first time then you must have anticipated it, and so when it is happening you are a little off to the side, you overflow the event with your indecorous mind. Or else you only know it afterwards, in which case you are aware of having to carefully construct the story of the event. But it can also happen that what repeats is always the first time, but for this to happen you must have been hungry for a long time, so that all hope of satisfaction was given up.