In the order of desire it is not enough to freely determine the object of desire, to know what you want, because you also need the object to want you back again, and in just the same way. To find yourself identified by the choice in your object, who desires you as desiring them etc. Desire is always also the desire to be desired, it is circular and whether you enter into the dance from the position of the one desiring or the one desired makes little difference to your ability to complete the circle. You want the free choice of your object towards you, and your desire is only a venture until it is brought about by the other who experiences your desire in advance of you. The results are both fragile and explosive; it ignites as if by a miracle but the smallest seed of doubt can destroy it, or throw it into a pernicious asymmetry. In the movie 'La règle du jeu' the only way to be saved from futility is to be loved by the Countess, but the Countess only loves but cannot love anyone. Her love is inaccessible. This is what makes for the absurd and tragic farce that the characters must enact. The best one can hope for is to wear one's failure to be loved with a certain dignity, to wear your absurdity as lover with dignity, which only the Count comes close to achieving. Since he is married to her he is the least likely to imagine that she loves him in return. It is almost an argument in favour of marriage.