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Tuesday, 28 March 2017
In meditation the intention is to see, or to estrange, the process by which this, as the experience of a self, the expression of a self through a cloud of thoughts is naturalised. You can begin by noting just how variable it is; not just what is looked at, but the set of core values that assumes the pilot position. Self is what determines values, is the reference for values, and since this function corresponds to a definite position in the flux, self is the inhabitant of that position. But as value-giver it is not as consistent as it would seem, it has far less 'character', less principle, when viewed from the inside than from the outside. This is natural enough since a major part of its functioning, its business, is the shoring up of its appearance from outside; but the real problem is that its existence has to be inferred from its functioning. Yes, there is a desk with a sign on it reading 'the buck stops here' but there is no one behind it, no one in that room when you look in. But close the door and the frictionless flow of executive orders immediately resumes. If the self is known by its responses then it is hidden in a time-lag; by the time you become aware of the response the moment when it was decided, if there even is such a distinct moment, has passed. You weren't there too see it happen, but the decision having been taken you are taxed with it, and more often than not it weighs you down.
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