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Sunday, 26 March 2017
Go ahead, put difficult questions to the onrushing mind, questions that make it stop in its tracks, make you stop in your tracks, require it to say out loud why it is going on like this and it's struck dumb - it doesn't matter, at the first lapse it all surges back twice as loud, twice as urgent, twice as fatuous. When you wake from sleep, as the morning's dreams fade, you find yourself, slip into yourself effortlessly, and are already running along some well-known line without any sense of disjunction or dissonance at all. It seems to be the simplest thing in the world, but that very thoughtless assumption of simplicity is life itself - you only need to assume a death's-eye-view and look back at it. No matter how sour the morning's taste in your mouth it all looks like butter on warm toast in the eye of death, an astonishing sense of entitlement for one existing on such a frail pretext. You've leapt over a chasm and whatever you think of yourself, whatever nest of judgments you stir up, the important thing is that you forget that momentary glimpse of the void as quickly as possible. This is where the 'triumph of life' takes place, every day without fail, and always with a smile. The slight tip, the shift in centre of gravity, that leans you from pure event to this is happening to me is the easiest and most natural thing in the world. Everybody's doing it, the horizon of unison that you first met with in kindergarten - how strange it must have once seemed! It is as if there is a pedal for it, it is part of the action of driving the car. And off you go in a cloud of exhaust and dust.
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