You remember events and decisions of the past but without the feeling, you remember them as if they happened to someone else. It only takes the right kind of unexpected prompt and something of that feeling comes back to you, not by way of memory but as a form of being, one that seems just adjacent to your current state but as if in a parallel universe, separated by a wall through which only muffled signals can pass. And then you realise what an impoverished being is yours in experience with its relentless forward motion, when all this other universe of feeling is there, but not for you, you are too small to contain it.