It's not what you experience but that you experience. The mind that moves expresses both sides, subject and object, that is its undivided thought, and your subjectivity, your unanswered question, merely a development of its mood, a sort of side-effect within. There is no outside to this and it includes your desire, your poetry, your need to understand, as its internal echoing. Your model of mind always takes it as responding to an outside. What you cannot fathom, except perhaps in reflections on dreaming, is a mind, an experiencing, wholly encompassed within itself.