The shame at existing becomes conscious as you become aware of the choices that you've made at key moments which have brought you to your current place. There is no limit to how many of these key moments can be found as you learn to recognise and acknowledge them. The choices endure as more than memories but rather as the sedimented substance of your distinct being; you cannot recall them unless you can reawaken the moment of choice itself as a kind of non-negotiable presence - although the understanding of the stakes in each choice can change dramatically. What is shameful is to be tied to such an immovable cascade of choices, and more than tied, to have almost completely merged with those acts which initially may have seemed only provisional.