The shame at existing is creatively misread as shame at your own well-being in the face of the other's misery, it is moralised in this way so that it can circulate according to the symbolic. But are you ashamed because of your secret satisfaction at how undeserved and unearned it is, or are you ashamed because of your secret abjection. If A triumphs by humiliating B, then B is made to bear the burden of A's shame, which A is then relieved from. But B's humiliation has nothing to do with A, it is over B's unavowable satisfaction in being humiliated. Unavowable feelings arising from unavowable desires - the desires you are aware of are never your true desires. To encounter your own deep shame is clarifying, is itself a relief from the burden. This is the stakes in the games of torment. Shame at being a 'thing' which is what you are concomitantly with being a subject. The many symbolic forms of thinghood.