To have both phenomenology and structure at the same time. The phenomenon, experiencing, factored over structure, and structure invested with the irresolvable agony of its oppositions. Is the ultimate unity of the subject anything more than a postulate? You cannot experience the split of the split subject except perhaps as a kind of suffering. But as suffering it is protest and the desire to draw worlds back together again. The split is without any feeling, it isn't noticed, it is being too much with the worlds. You only think of it it when it has gone too far.