Wednesday, 1 April 2020


The mind at all times is adept at elaborating the slightest irregularities or contingencies into an immediate accession to ongoing set-ups and scenes. You notice this in a drowsy state when the ambient electric crackle of nerves and squish of organs is realised in a succession of absurd and resumed narratives in which you feel entirely at home until a moment later the same somatic noise interrupts them. In sleep when you find yourself at the porch of dreams the interruptions are numbed and you can take flight into whatever presents itself. What you dream is indeterminate, there are many ways to begin and on closer observations you might notice a momentary hovering over several quite different dream openings. If there is a hesitation for choice there is also apparent a tremendous relief in the choosing. It is as if you have grasped onto a lifeline, even if the quality of the succeeding dream is troubled. There is an anxiety, rarely encountered at other times, in that prior moment's suspension, the anxiety of worldlessness. This is a core anxiety and must surely extend quite deep. It is entirely passed over in waking consciousness even as you struggle to overcome the narrow confines of quotidian indigence.

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