Mostly when you refer to yourself, when you invite yourself or celebrate it, you mean your character. This is both the character you play in the human circus a well as everything that is petrified in the ways you engage with the world, your ways of trying to get what you want - which amount to the same thing. How you find life in this or than moment, how beautiful or ugly it seems, are just your various clown masks. There is only an aesthetic responsibility to remain true to character, to always be in character, so that however irksome your role might seem at times it is a species of politeness, of good form to keep it consistent. In this way being more or less aware of playing a role, a better or worse interpreter of the script you are given, is simply part of the role itself. It is thus a social thing, a mode of being for others - you are concerned with how it appears, and you take up attitudes towards that unknown, merely guessed at, appearance. There is no one to whom it appears, but you refuse to disappoint them. Like every clown what makes your role both comical and sad is that you take it so earnestly, and it's your attempts to take responsibility for the role that raise the loudest laughs.