To admit that consciousness is fundamental is only to open the door onto a new kind of question, without knowing what kind of question it is. It's not a matter of being able to explain or understand something, because it is not any sort of phenomenon that is at stake. Experience is to close with its own foundation, with the experiencing. Knowledge and understanding are special forms of experience whose purpose is exhausted in encountering their own necessary limitation. You can't go any further that way so step back and find what was driving them. They are tunes you can play but you must now ask about sound, about the possibility of sound, and about silence. In the same way the self stumbling over its errors for itself is just a form of a more fundamental and less contingent movement, of ripples in a deeper field. If you think that you are an instance of consciousness you have failed to see you you are consciousness itself, without parts, without an other, that you are all of consciousness, here and now. To the degree that this is absurd you are still only expressing an analogy from dreamed experience and are unable to admit the devastating truth about what you still call subjectivity.