The wages of virtue are sleep and death, those of sin are knowledge via painful awakening. If only it were that simple. Yet Blake had a point, for every proverb of heaven there is one equally true of hell. Your starting point being so far in error that your only hope of regaining the centre is to tack by using the power of the contraries, the impetus from pain, more than the pull of joy - you were never made for joy. How far has it taken you so far? Only a few times around in a circle, it seems.