You are the medium through which what is invisible and real passes into appearance and you are also what appearance appears to. Like an actor in a role you not only perform the gestures, but you also express the inwardness which chooses but never quite means those gestures. Part of the role is that you are aware of not being the role, and like a well-known actor you are always yourself at the same time as being the character, and in the role of yourself, which you play off against that of the character, you are just as detached from that loved and familiar face and voice by whom you appear. This is part of your charm, like the charm of anyone, to hint of being someone quite apart, watching with a detached amusement which might take the form of anything but detached amusement. Others can only see a part of the show, and for the rest you are the only witness, which brings with it a lonely feeling. Everyone is immersed in this ongoing play and the many-fold inwardness is determined by a current of events which is just as much shaped by law and necessity as what is out there in the apparently shared world. Sometimes you strive to open up this inwardness and at other times you work to keep it closed, and most of the time you do both, and that of course is just what you express, this diffidence, like the play of shadows over your own infant understanding.