Consciousness is the appearance of the world and so within consciousness the reality of a state of affairs and the appearance of that state are not separate. This does not of itself imply that the world is within consciousness.

Consciousness is in direct connection with the entities and forces that affect it but it can only understand them according to its own 'language' which means as filtered through a certain categorical metaphysics which it cannot but produce out of its own nature. It can know enough to sense the uncanny nature of these untranslatable forces and to face up to the abundant evidence of its own secondary nature. At tthis limit of language it knows a strange pregnancy, as if it would give birth to something entirely new, but can find no way to bring it about.

Past and future are driven by the urge to get beyond the moment, to get beyond the self in that moment. You can't arrest this reaching forth because every will including the will not to will is just carried on the same waves. If this moment was you only one, if there were nothing behind or before it then the forces you embody would be naked, exposed in their most mysterious countenance.

If all light is light of the mind and all desire derived from the mind's reservoirs just as all knowledge only what can be restored from the oblivion that infects the mind, then, the sense of self, as much the grey and fuzzy presence behind the eyes as the diamond sharpness three feet behind the head are only the the effects of the solar energy passing through the constricted valve that is the individual, superfluous friction and turbulence.

The metaphysical frame behind everyday reality consists of a series of antinomies: freedom and determinism, real and ideal, being and becoming, etc. All are irresolvable and in particular do not yield to any kind of three-valued synthetic logic or to hard-headed commonsensicalism, all of which only transform the terms of reference but leave the essential oppositions intact. All of these are false dichotomies but this cannot be grasped by starting out from any of them. It is something else again, as if suddenly projected into a space perpendicular to all of them at once in a movement that shatters everything, including the very one who would experience such a shift.

Just as it's always possible to add an 'I think' to any ongoing, so it is always possible to add a 'there is', or 'it gives'. The priority of the subjective position is only apparent, a sort of parallax effect, because in the same sense the objective is equally prior. It finds itself among these happenings and is itself a happening.

The question of being is your birthright but it gets overtaken by a myriad of interests and desires. These are not entirely different because the original question shines out from behind them without being recognised and is what ultimately constitutes their allure. The forgetting of being is an active and ambiguous process, something like the return of the repressed.